tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.comments2010-12-23T23:20:54.923+08:00The Spiral Stairwellmarzukihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992749943748434474noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-64274583512690838092010-06-22T15:12:32.031+08:002010-06-22T15:12:32.031+08:00That was quite a workshop you two just had. Thanks...That was quite a workshop you two just had. Thanks for the shout out girl. That felt, for lack of a more poetic word, nice. It feels really nice. Keep dreaming. Keep writing.Dugaldohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04470049936753268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-79642342860933400542009-12-20T13:30:04.036+08:002009-12-20T13:30:04.036+08:00i just have to say that that is my faaavorite TED ...i just have to say that that is my faaavorite TED video!!floretahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18220834824793299258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-22726124822853396772009-12-18T12:44:56.074+08:002009-12-18T12:44:56.074+08:00Am looking forward to more of yours too!
Head...Am looking forward to more of yours too! <br /><br />Head's splitting into pieces as I weave the right words together. Is this how it feels whenever one dives deep within the innermost confines of one's soul? I'm deep. Pitch black. And I can't see my hands. I'm lost. Im scared. I'm drowning. Asphyxiated.<br /><br />But I'm not there yet. Need... to go .. deeper, I told myself. <br /><br />And you know what marmamook, every time I feel like turning back, I always see her. The girl I've been telling you about - the beautiful marmaid. Then the same mysterious rush of oxygen through my tired lungs. <br /><br />I'm a sea lion. Renewed energy, I continue diving.<br /><br />(hahahaha! I cant believe i wrote what i just wrote.)marzukihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05992749943748434474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-69118021410476055032009-12-18T00:37:39.996+08:002009-12-18T00:37:39.996+08:00hey, no problem. let me know how that works out fo...hey, no problem. let me know how that works out for you. :) look forward to reading more of you in the future.marmamookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05121644100812972609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-91735531405784829672009-12-18T00:20:40.481+08:002009-12-18T00:20:40.481+08:00Aah that's a really nice site that u introduce...Aah that's a really nice site that u introduced me to. Plenty of originals and it comes with critiques! U've definitely pointed me to a sweet direction. Hoping one day I can help you like how you've helped me today. (:marzukihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05992749943748434474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-38166850186224316072009-12-17T10:29:39.065+08:002009-12-17T10:29:39.065+08:00something you might want to consider is joining a ...something you might want to consider is joining a poetry site online...there are some great places where people are willing to read and critique poetry, sometimes even to the point of showing you their own edit of it. it's extremely helpful. i've only been writing poetry since the beginning of the year and i credit everything i've learned to a poetry board. i personally am a member of criticalpoet.com but there are many other very good ones. it's a wonderful way to get started and i enjoy it even as i'm past the point of needing to learn the basics. :)<br /><br />glad i could be of help.marmamookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05121644100812972609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-8219449417354850562009-12-16T18:19:19.993+08:002009-12-16T18:19:19.993+08:00Thanks! Definitely very useful advice.
I should n...Thanks! Definitely very useful advice.<br /><br />I should not tell stuffs, but show stuffs. There has to be simile, metaphors, imagery. It should never ever sound like simple sentences that have been broken up. Points noted.<br /><br />I'll be looking out for these few key points as I re-read and study the pieces I have on this blog. <br /><br />And just in case ure wondering why I'm making the most basic mistakes in poetry, it's coz this field is a completely new area to me. I only began a couple of days ago. So for now, even though you're no expert, i'll be listening to each and every pointer that u give me.<br /><br />Again, thanks alot! (:marzukihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05992749943748434474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-42217542632671045052009-12-16T10:36:00.675+08:002009-12-16T10:36:00.675+08:00i don't know that i would be any kind of simon...i don't know that i would be any kind of simon cowell but i'll certainly give it a go...<br /><br />what you have almost reads more as prose, more as a blog or slice out of a diary than as poetry. do you have simile? metaphor? it reads very well, flows nicely, but are you telling me how you feel? or do you show me how you feel? <br /><br />you tell me:<br /><br />Introverts are thinkers, dreamers,<br />story writers.<br />We want things to go our way,<br />and no other way.<br /><br />this reads very well, like i said, but they're 2 simple sentences. could you have told me this...?<br /><br />Introvert- drawn in, wrapped in dreams, twisting out stories like thread between fingers.<br />Stubborn and steadfast, we see one path to follow.<br /><br />granted, that's a pretty fast edit and a little sloppy but you get the picture, i hope. <br /><br />you have some great content. it rings true with me. but how can you switch the vocabulary up to make it a little more interesting? more poetic, i guess. can you play with metaphor, simile, imagery? <br /><br />i hope this helped. i'm really looking forward to seeing any edits you may do. but remember, i'm by no means an expert- don't take my word as gospel. if it doesn't feel or sound right to you, it's not right for you. :)marmamookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05121644100812972609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-7017105164370131592009-12-16T07:39:49.462+08:002009-12-16T07:39:49.462+08:00Thanks for dropping by marmamook!
Since this is ...Thanks for dropping by marmamook! <br /><br />Since this is my first attempt at writing something, I really appreciated the positive words that sandwiched the gem:<br /><br />Simple and telly. Would you mind expanding a little more on telly? What does it mean? Please be as mean as you can - I need to set my self my first benchmark that I could aim to achieve when I subsequently write. <br /><br />At this stage where I'm at, I need a Simon Cowell or two to help me grow (:marzukihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05992749943748434474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6599651716905064280.post-10510250784006074152009-12-16T03:57:16.504+08:002009-12-16T03:57:16.504+08:00very cool. i really enjoyed this post, especially ...very cool. i really enjoyed this post, especially the video. favorited. :) <br />it's an interesting poem from the perspective of an introvert...a little simple/telly for my taste but i like it. i agree- a lot of my time i spend kind of shuffling around attempting to do things the world's way...when i feel like i'm programmed for something different, like you...or at least that's what i got out of it. so nice job!marmamookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05121644100812972609noreply@blogger.com